P is for Publication!

Email just never feels real, but now that I’ve received letterhead I’m willing to post.

My first short story has been accepted for publication: “The Law of Meat” in The Gettysburg Review.

Yay! I’m not just a bad news bear. I had moments this winter, doubting this blog. I didn’t know what to write about. I doubted anyone really wanted to view my running tally of italicized versus nonitalicized rejection slips. I decided to skip my post about The Analysis of Rejection Fonts: What Says “No” The Best. Should editors keep it classic with TNR? Or step it up with Book Antigua? Maybe sanserif is best. No nonsense. Move on. And please, don’t cry.

I hate to be a phony who just pipes in with the successes. It’s like those MFA-thread Speakeasy people who lurk all season but once they get in Iowa post all about it. Still. You can’t just keep writing about rejection because it sounds whiny and depressing. This dilemma earned us a post back when we first started this blog in Media Bistro. Some said whiny. Others said honest. The difference is hard to say.

It is a relief to know that at least sometimes, there will be good news.

To keep it real here’s the rest of my mailbag: two PhD nonacceptances (UGA and Tennessee), Michigan Quarterly Review rejection, notarized letter concerning late taxes (10 years. Whoops!) from Durham County. My car tags have expired. The New Orleans Sewage and Water Board, State Farm and the Student Assistance Foundation are all inquiring as to my health.

I’ve shoved all that mess behind the only mail that matters. So when will my milestone become available? To quote my letterhead: “Sometime in the next year.”

In the meantime here’s some pubs out now by other Montana MFAers:

http://www.pw.org/content/interview_writer_robin_romm (Lauren Hamlin '09)

http://www.thehumanist.org/humanist/09_jan_feb/janfeb09.html (Pete Jones '07)

The Natural

I learned how to write from my six-year-old self today. While rifling through paperwork, I found my first story, presented here in all its typographical glory.

Feed the pup.
Dabby go Feed the pup.
No Son. I am to Bisy.
Mom Will you Go Feed the gup.
No Soh. Iam to Bisy.
Sis. Wlli you GoFeed The gut
No I’m TO Bissy
Butoh Will You Go Geed gup
No Son I’m Bisy.
Why Dot’ You!

I have attempted to recreate the Crayola palate (sky blue, blue-violet, burnt orange, forest green, salmon). What you can’t see are the wobbly letters/psychosis/dyslexia or the lined paper whose parameters I ignored. I don’t know why I made myself a boy. I believe I wanted to make sure my work would be seen as fiction. (Yes, dog feeding was a great topic of family debate).

At age six I already knew everything taught at my top MFA creative writing program:

1) Start with a person and a problem (protagonist has a hungry pup)
2) Have a second character against whom the main character will enact his change (pup)
3) The internal conflict mirrors the external conflict (pup is hungry/protagonist must move from ambivalence to action or pup will starve.)
4) The protagonist has agency (narrator goes in search of pup feeder)
5) Rule of Threes. (Actually I broke this rule by having the character ask a fourth time, but great fiction can do that.)
6) At the end the character should have changed forever. (protagonist forced to consider that instead of getting other people to do his work he should take responsibility).

What the protagonist doesn’t do: Bog down in description, tell a story to get to the story, watch others act instead doing things, or the myriad other problems I face in revision today.

Go find your earliest work. Marvel at your natural sense of story.

On Being Insured and Employed and Telling Us About It

As a member of the behemoth XSport Fitness workout location/ juice bar/ hair parlor, I'll often find myself on a cardio machine, slack jawed, watching one of the cable news stations on the television consoles. It's not about working out. It's about not being away from a media source for more than 12 seconds. Much like Wall-E's muscle-atrophied obese future humans rushing about in their reclined, t.v.-equipped & slurpee dispensing world, I race to finish a news segment. Two or more alarming things happen to me in this scenario:

1. I sheepishly check out the surrounding machines for like-minded folks watching CNN highlights. If I see this, I can't switch channels. If everyone is on ESPN, I move the clicker to Fox News. Yes, this goes against everything I learned about independent thinking. No, NPR is not on the television at the gym. I wish. I find that Fox News is a) equal to or b) exceeds the "quality/quantity" of information to behold on daytime CNN. I'm not as bothered by FN's ticker. CNN recently changed theirs, but still it withholds pertinent information for each story, creating confusing news bites with no follow up just so it can fit a story into 5 words or less, as follows:



Fox News will continue information in a second or even third "line" on their ticker. Wow. Journalism continues to prove me awed.

2. CNN cannot stop its anchors from introducing their segments with the following variations of the "thank-god-we're-one-of-the-lucky-ones!" clause:
a. "Amy, welcome to the program. I'd just like to say how fortunate we are to have health insurance, when so many people do not. Let's put some numbers up for insurance plans just like you and I have for our families."
b. "John, job cuts were up to new time highs last month. Let's take a moment to be thankful that you and I both still have our jobs in this economic climate."

CNN also had to remind me that the "work from home" emails are....scams.

Just hand me a Slurpee already. And find me a good book to read.

P as in Ph.D: An Update

I haven’t posted about my creative writing PhD apps for awhile (not since whining about the GRE subject test and the personal statement). I made a conscious decision to not over-fret this round. Amazingly, this decision worked. I must be a seasoned pro. I know the final decisions are made based bizarre, unpredictable matters of personal preference. I’ve had cocktails with these literary decision-makers after hours. Believe me on this.

Right now I’m waiting to hear from:

Florida State University
Ohio University
University of Tennessee
University of Georgia

I’m in Nebraska from last year but didn’t receive funding, so I deferred and tossed my lottery ticket back in. I should have all my answers in the next few weeks. Okay, I'm getting a little bit nervous.

I realize now how freaking fortunate I was to get in Nebraska. These PhD creative writing progs are crazy competitive. The MFA was bad enough, but even still, most applicants are weeded out quickly. My Montana MFA profs said that while they generally receive about 250 apps (fiction), only about a fifth make the first cut, which is made with relative ease. Most creative writing PhD applicants already have their MFAs. They most definitely at this point have a polished sample that gleams when held up to bright light. MFA only judges for potential, PhD judges for publication.

Each year Tennessee accepts one or maybe two per genre, and Ohio accepts one. ONE! Although I have to say I respect this, for I have noticed OU places a tenure track position about every year. One for one.

Because apparently, after the PhD is even worse that after the MFA. Which means Brother's fried chicken for lunch. AND Blue Bell ice cream (either praline or banana split).

Silliman's blog told me.

Word Play

Here's a link to help everyone kill time in a semi-literary way.

http://www.wordle.net/

From the site:

"Wordle is a toy for generating “word clouds” from text that you provide. The clouds give greater prominence to words that appear more frequently in the source text. You can tweak your clouds with different fonts, layouts, and color schemes. The images you create with Wordle are yours to use however you like. You can print them out, or save them to the Wordle gallery to share with your friends."

Wordle I: A selection of cut and paste comments I use for teaching Business Communication online.

http://www.wordle.net/gallery/wrdl/603750/Business_Communication_Instruction

Wordle II: My resume.

http://www.wordle.net/gallery/wrdl/603780/Writing_Resume

Wordle III: From this blog. This Wordle became a bit "colored" by a Mardi Gras drunken person I quoted.

http://www.wordle.net/gallery/wrdl/603802/Mardi_Gras%3A_A_play_in_one_act

On orbiting

The Laurie household has been bumming around with writers a couple times now in a few weeks. First, AWP, where I caught the Missoula-based Sadness Museum & the most recent issue of Jubilat (which features no more and no less than three [!!!] Montana MFA alumni) at the Chicago bookfair. I followed up my free pencil-taking (from The Poet's House: Issa's cherry blossom haiku on pencil) with a good stretch of full-body shutdown in the Hilton lobby.

Then, it was the volunteer recognition dinner at the Ernest Hemingway Museum in Oak Park, IL last week. The gift certificates and heart-shaped candy were plentiful. The volunteers didn't want to talk about the man fiction. Instead, they wanted to talk about Hemingway's relationship with Fitzgerald, his poetry, and... the architecture from the World's Columbian Exposition. Juicy tidbit: Harriet Monroe, of Poetry Foundation fame, was madly in love with her sister's husband, one of the dreamers behind the concept of the Exposition.

Publication!

Yay Nick!

Another member of the Montana MFA class of '08 has scored an impressive pub. This time it's Nick Ekkizogloy in the latest issue of McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, No. 30.

From Stowaways:

"When we got to the river we sat down and made sounds. Francis did a siren, so I would do gunshots. If he did a seal barking, I would do a fog horn. I ate some pills and we passed the tequila. We laughed like we had just crawled out of the grave as old buddies and met by Flint River to say fuck you to death. "

Mardi Gras: A Post in Three Acts

For anyone waiting on grad apps and agent query letters. For those whose mailbox overfloweth lit mag rejection letters. Hear ye my poorlings who dodge calls from the Student Assistance Foundation.

A break. Mardi Gras!

Act I: The Evening

I caught Endymion three times last night. I started in Mid City at a pre parade party, saw Kid Rock and REO Speedwagon (dreams do come true!), thought I was wiped out from a long night and went home. Looked at the clock and realized it was 7. Got the call from friends, regrouped and walked down to Canal to catch a little of the tourist yahoo scene. Around 12 walked home, caught the parade again on Tulane after it curved around Lee Circle. Respect for those tuba players hauling all night.

Act II: Loot Tips

1) Don’t stand near kids. Goodies will be thrown, but you will feel compelled to give them all away.

2) If you are a woman, stand alone amidst frat boys (if you can clear an area where you can actually catch stuff, you’ll have to be far enough away from the FQ). At one point I found myself surrounded by d-bags in backward baseball caps. The goods came raining down. I emerged looking like a sparkle bead Cousin It.

3) Catch the end of the parade route. They gotta unload it all.

Act III: The Voice of Mardi Gras: A Play in One Quote

Place: Lee Circle, New Orleans

Time: Midnight. Saturday of Mardi Gras. The final parade of the day has just passed. The crowds are dispersing, weary and staggering.

Cast: Twenty something blond woman, cockeye sobby drunk, and her two girlfriends who are holding her up, trying to get her home.

Blond Woman: “He never wants to fuck me. He won’t fuck me. Aiiiiiieeeeooooo. I don’t know why he won’t fuck me. Forever he won’t fuck me. And it’s so small. He won’t FUCK me. It was so small I almost cried the first time I saw it. Y’all don’t understand. I almost cried. It’s been two years! I don’t even know what a normal one looks like anymore. He won’t. He won’t. Ohhhhh God. (crying) Ohhhhh God (wailing). Y’all don’t understand. Y’all don’t understand.” (collapses on ground, hysterical)

And this, ladies, is why you need codeps who will recognize, get you Popeye's fried chicken and get you home. Fast.

It's about...time?

Books Are Heavy

Reunited!

Yes. The three of us just saw one another at AWP in Chicago.

To amend: We didn’t attend the actual conference. Speaking for myself, I got paneled out last year. The Diaspora and Diaroma Aspect in the Multi-Genre Lyrical Essay did me in. The event was more of an excuse to see Chicago (Blues at Rosa’s! Myopic Books! Bratwurst!) and remingle with Montana MFAers.

I DID crash the book fair on Saturday. It’s a bit awkward, trying to cruise all the tables. The protective stance I adopted was pretty much the same I use to deflect 1-10 underpass panhandlers in New Orleans. Sorry bud. I turned and walked away from many outstretched palms. But you always cave to a couple. It’s something in the eyes.

So I bought the Oxford American New Orleans issue and a mag from Ann Arbor called Hobart because it looked cool. My friend Anna bought the latest issue of PMS and Black Warrior Review. (Member of our nonfiction class Naomi Kimball is in the current issue.) Plus all the freebies. Had to give a little grunt to load my suitcase overhead on the plane.

As I walked around that Hilton lobby, I kept swearing I saw people I knew, but then I just realized we all look alike. As in refugees from the Writers’ Gulag. I don’t know how many scarves, messenger bags, adorable haircuts and square black glasses a person can take. If I ever go again I’m wearing a track suit and white athletic shoes.

I’m not sure it’s wise, getting writers together to schmooze. Most of us spend hours and hours alone muttering to ourselves. Some days my only social interaction is scooping the cat off my keyboard.

If you get me on a good minute, I’ll smile and regale you with wit. If it’s a bad one, I might start crying and blow my nose on your hipster skinny jeans. Or I might just look off and walk away, not even realizing you said anything.

So if you looked at me, grimaced and turned away, I remembered not to take it personally. I hope you did the same.

Presses that Don't Charge Reading Fees

Found this list on Silliman's blog.

I've spent more money than I care to admit on book contests in the past 12 months. With the threat of layoffs at my workplace and given the fact that I'm the newest hire in the office, my financial future is not looking so bright. Hence, I kiss Rachel Mallino's knees for putting together this list.