Montana MFA Writer’s Index 2008-2009

Days since MFA Thesis Reading: 382

Times MFA boyfriend queried before graduation last spring as to whether he was really moving to Prince Edward Island because, if so, why wasn’t he packing anything? 3

Times boyfriend called after leaving: once

Months actually spent at PEI: 4

Months before ex-boyfriend had new MFA girlfriend: 4

How many MFA brunettes this makes: 4

Miles driven hauling trailer across country from Missoula, Montana to New Orleans: 2,348

Average MPH: 45

Minutes over 750 minute plan crying to MFA friends I miss you. I love you. Come back to me: 275

August Verizon bill: $328

Hurricane evacuations: 1

Flooded cars: 1

Age: 40

Lit mag submissions: 24

Acceptances: 1

Approximate hours spent writing/revising that one story: 117

NYC agencies queried with MFA thesis/book proposal: 1

NYC agencies queried who responded with enthusiasm: 1

Days before contract revoked because book project of the past four years scooped by another writer: 13

Lexipro count: 550 milligrams

Blind dates with psychiatrist: 1

Lexipro samples given as parting gift: 10 boxes of 20 pills, 20 mg each

Fifths of bourbon consumed: (P-doc: “Maybe you should take a break.”)

Mardi Gras beads earned: 143

PhD Acceptances with funding 1
Without funding: 1
Waitlisted: 1
Due to the high number of qualified applicants and the economy but really because we didn’t like you as much as other people: 2

MFA BFFs who have come to visit: 3!!! Except Trina. Where are you? Do you still love me? Come to me!

Stated yearly income for 2008 1040 EZ: $8,340

Comp essays graded: 278

Cut and pastes of this comment "Hi, _____! I'm Kelly Kathleen Ferguson! And I enjoyed your paper! I suggest you employ a thesis statement. Allow me to model one for you.": 277

Times asked of God, “Where’s the love?”: 2,135

Writing group affairs: 1

Ex-boyfriends from my twenties who claimed in the past year they were totally stupid and I was totally great: 2

Status: single

Cats: 2

New stories written: 5

Novels began: 2

Days left in New Orleans: 73