b-2-b, or, Why Three Ps Should Have A Book Deal

Hey you, friendly anonymous reader. We’re shamelessly plugging our service. Why? Because it’s a year out from MFAland and we want immediate fame, fortune and success. Here is my dirty plea (on behalf of the three of us) to have this blog made book.

Legend: b-2-b = blog-to-book

.5. CUTTING EDGE. Shameless pleading before we’ve hit our blog prime? It hasn’t been done. Well, consider it done.

1. DIRTY FILTHY MONEY. There are three of us. This means you, kind literary agent, with a keen eye for crème de la crème of the blogosphere, get more for your money. Times are tight. So isn’t three voices/perspectives for the price of one great? Remember, the three of us are perilously close to accomplishing all three objectives of this blog. Yes, enrolling in a PhD program and publishing work is great, but panhandling is not. You wouldn’t want us to resort to that, would you? We should NOT reach our three goals. You can make this dream a reality.

2. WE ARE PATRONS. You cannot call us untutored in the way of patronizing the arts. We’ve seen Didion, Carson, Chabon, Howe and Diaz. The list goes on. We’ve been to many MFA readings. We’ve shouted out until hoarse. We go to bookstores and buy books FOR FUN. We shell out money for copies of our own book.

3. THREE Ps PUBLIC RELATIONS. WE HAVE IT. Kelly & Trina did a bang-up job getting the word out via Tom Kealy’s blog, Speakeasy and Mediabistro. I sat back and basked in the glory. We have a built in fan base, see?

4. SHOCK AND AWE. We’ve got plenty of blasphemous content and/or language up our sleeves. For examples, see b-2-b Fuck You Penguin! or b-2-b Awkward Family Photos. We have posted about the blasphemy of rejection (personal and professional), the most horrendous of all human interaction.

5. THE MUNDANE. We have mastered bantering about daily life. We live it and we know how to summarize it. We can mimic b-2-b Stuff White People Like. We can call it Stuff MFA People Like and it will be clever, mark our words.

MFA People Like

a. working a job that requires an expenditure of hours unequal to the expenditure of brain power/pay. That is, too many hours and not enough brain power/pay
b. Montana
c. sitting in a darkened room when it is sunny outside, reading
d. watching birds through binoculars
e. booze

6. FRIED FOOD. We have eaten friend chicken from Double Front in Missoula, Montana. That means we have one up on another b-2-b, This is Why You’re Fat. We also still all like cheese toast.

7. FURRY ANIMALS. The three of us own five cats combined. This makes for endless contribution to and viewing of b-2-b I Can Has Cheezburger. We have researched our competition.

8. NO SHAME. Please do this thing for us? Our book jacket photo will be amazing.

9. SHAME. Ah—no, I mean…we do this because we want to a) rant and rave, b) keep in touch with other MFAers and c) provide solace [see a)]. Book or no book, the blog will still mosey along, emotional baggage intact.