Monday, May 11, 2009

Montana MFA Writer’s Index 2008-2009

Days since MFA Thesis Reading: 382

Times MFA boyfriend queried before graduation last spring as to whether he was really moving to Prince Edward Island because, if so, why wasn’t he packing anything? 3

Times boyfriend called after leaving: once

Months actually spent at PEI: 4

Months before ex-boyfriend had new MFA girlfriend: 4

How many MFA brunettes this makes: 4

Miles driven hauling trailer across country from Missoula, Montana to New Orleans: 2,348

Average MPH: 45

Minutes over 750 minute plan crying to MFA friends I miss you. I love you. Come back to me: 275

August Verizon bill: $328

Hurricane evacuations: 1

Flooded cars: 1

Age: 40

Lit mag submissions: 24

Acceptances: 1

Approximate hours spent writing/revising that one story: 117

NYC agencies queried with MFA thesis/book proposal: 1

NYC agencies queried who responded with enthusiasm: 1

Days before contract revoked because book project of the past four years scooped by another writer: 13

Lexipro count: 550 milligrams

Blind dates with psychiatrist: 1

Lexipro samples given as parting gift: 10 boxes of 20 pills, 20 mg each

Fifths of bourbon consumed: (P-doc: “Maybe you should take a break.”)

Mardi Gras beads earned: 143

PhD Acceptances with funding 1
Without funding: 1
Waitlisted: 1
Due to the high number of qualified applicants and the economy but really because we didn’t like you as much as other people: 2

MFA BFFs who have come to visit: 3!!! Except Trina. Where are you? Do you still love me? Come to me!

Stated yearly income for 2008 1040 EZ: $8,340

Comp essays graded: 278

Cut and pastes of this comment "Hi, _____! I'm Kelly Kathleen Ferguson! And I enjoyed your paper! I suggest you employ a thesis statement. Allow me to model one for you.": 277

Times asked of God, “Where’s the love?”: 2,135

Writing group affairs: 1

Ex-boyfriends from my twenties who claimed in the past year they were totally stupid and I was totally great: 2

Status: single

Cats: 2

New stories written: 5

Novels began: 2

Days left in New Orleans: 73

5 comments:

unsaid said...

Well, that was both entertaining and heartwrenching! Loved this!

Jason said...

Congratulations on the PhD with funding.

Travis Fortney said...

OMFG!

Anna said...

Congratulations on the writer's group affair.

kimberly lambright said...

i love this. and i relaaaate.